A Little Lost...

Since we've come back to America, I haven't been myself. It's like I lost myself somewhere along the way. The two years I spent in Korea were two of the best years of my life. Now that the dust has settled, the reality has finally hit me. Those years were a brief interlude but now I have to face the rest of my life. It's time to stop wandering and to become a real adult. The thought is scary, but it's something that every one of us has to face. It's really started to hit me that that part of my life is over. I think I've been in denial and I've been so overwhelmed. Today, it finally dawned on me. I'll never live in Korea again. That time of my life was beautiful, challenging and amazing but I can never go back.

In the past five months, I've gone through more changes than most people will go through in their entire lives. I've had a lot of ups and downs. I've stopped writing and taking photos. I stopped reading. It's like the happiness and joy I always had disappeared. I became a sad shell of myself. When I realized this, I was terrified. I didn't want to go from being someone who could go on adventures and live life to the fullest, to someone who went to sleep at 9pm because I couldn't deal with the reality of the day. I felt really bad for Markus because he had to deal with a depressed and emotional wife.

Dear readers, that person no longer exists. I made a resolution today. I will never be anything but myself. I will continue to write and blog. I lost that zest for life. I've always been a dreamer and that will never change. I can't be something that I'm not. I can only move forward and I'm really excited for what the future will bring. I don't know what it is, but that's always my favorite part, the unknown.

Life of an Ex-Pat | Discovery

Living and working in another country is not only a time of adventure, but also a time of discovery. You'll discover new foods and cultures. You'll experience things you've only read about in books or seen on TV. Every single day of your life becomes an adventure. There are things that you'll learn about yourself that you never knew existed. It's more than just seeing the wonders of the world, even though that's exciting as well. You'll learn how much you can take. You'll be challenged to see how far you can step out of your comfort zone. You'll experience things that are beyond imagination.

Life in Korea has been both a blessing and a curse.  Things that would be simple back home become difficult and challenging. Sometimes leaving the house, you have to mentally prepare yourself for what the day will be like. I find myself having pretend conversations in Korean in my head so that when I do speak to a Korean I don't sound ridiculous. It's the little things that begin to take its toll after a while, but with the bad, there is always good. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to be living in such a beautiful country. Many people end up leaving Korea bitter and resentful, but I know that I won't feel that way.  My dreams of living in a far off land would not have come true. I would have lived a life of regret and now that I know what it's like, I can move on.

I discovered so much about myself in the past 18 months. I've learned that here is so much more going on in the world than what happens in my tiny little existence. The work ethic in Korea is unreal. The kids are always studying. Their days start at 7am and they don't end until close to 11pm. The adults are always working, trying to strive for more, trying to reach the next level. Koreans work themselves to exhaustion, but it's ingrained in them to have the best life possible. They are a resilient people and that is something that I can truly admire.

I've also learned that there is so much to see and experience. We are so blessed to live in such a beautiful world. America is a diverse and amazing country, but it only scratches the surface of what is out there. Being an ex-pat has given me the opportunity to explore countries that I never would have been able to afford or thought of. Last year, I was able to finally travel to the Philippines. I finally saw the land of my people and the home of my parents. It was a moving experience and one I might have missed out on.

The most important thing I learned about myself is that I can conquer my fears. When I was younger, I was always known to be a spoiled brat. I never finished anything and I'm pretty sure that all my family and friends thought I would never amount to anything. I took all of their doubts and negativity and used that to fuel my determination to make something of myself. I've been blessed with a wonderful husband and a job that I love. After moving abroad, I used that same determination to succeed in Korea as well. 

Before coming here, I was worried that it wasn't going to work out. I went through all the scenarios in my head. They ranged from naughty children, horrible co-workers and nasty living conditions. Despite all these possibilities, I was determined to make it work. Thankfully, none of my scenarios came to fruition. I wake every day with the hope that this day will be better than the last and to make the most of my situation. Having this sort of attitude has taught me one important lesson. As long as I strive to do my best and always be optimistic, I can truly do anything and conquer any fears. 

My time in Korea is coming to a close soon, but the lessons I've learned and the challenges I've faced have made me a better person. I've become a better version of myself. I've grown into a stronger woman. I've discovered how much I can handle and how far I can go. I've discovered that anything is really and truly possible. 

Life of an Ex-pat | Sacrifices

Now that I've been away from home for over a year, I can say that I'm a true ex-pat. My feet haven't touched American soil in over 17 months. At first, I was really excited to finally be living in another country. My whole life, I dreamed of the day where I could say that I lived in some far off distant land. Recently, I've started to get a little homesick. 

Before we left for Korea, I was ready to go. I lived my whole life in Florida and always wanted to travel to some far off land. I spent so much of my life daydreaming about the day that I would be on a plane headed for those lands. However I think when we let our dreams and aspirations take over, we only focus on the big picture and forget the little things.

When I first arrived in Korea, it felt like coming home. It felt right. It never felt weird or awkward. It was perfect. Sure, there are days that I get annoyed because of the language barrier or because I can't eat at Chipotle, but it isn't anything I can't handle or overcome. I love living in Korea and thinking about the day that I have to leave makes me ridiculously sad.

Despite all of this, I've started to really miss parts of my old life. I still have no desire to return to Florida. That part of my life is over and has run its course. I spent 27 years there, I don't want to spend any more, but I still miss a lot of my previous life. All my dear friends and family have moved on. In the beginning, everyone was really interested in my new adventure. Now that it's been over a year, the interest has definitely lessened. Not just on their end, but on mine as well. Life definitely goes on, and just because I'm off having adventures doesn't mean that everyone's life stops and waits for my return.

As an expat, I've had to make huge sacrifices. I gave up the security of living in my own country. I gave up my home and my job. I gave up the ability to communicate in my own language. Most of all, I gave up time with my beloved family and friends. I can't even describe how many birthdays, graduations, births, and weddings I've missed in the past 17 months. At first, I understood that I would miss those milestones. Now, I'm starting to feel the loss of those memories I could've had, and I mourn the moments that I missed. Sometimes, I skip photo albums on Facebook because I feel a pinch in my heart. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true.

Despite my sadness for moments missed, I'm very thankful for the last 17 months. I feel that this has been an experience that has been vital to my growth, and I've learned so much about myself. If I was given this opportunity again, I would and will always say, "Yes." It's true that there are times where I miss aspects of where my life could've gone, but I will never ever regret the decisions that I've made.

Credits: 
Frame and Paper Texture/ Mellowmint 
Typography/ Handwritten by me